THEY ALWAYS SAY THEY’LL PAY YOU BACK IN KARMA
strange men on the street will always feel comfortable asking for your cigarettes and you will always feel uncomfortable saying no to men. you have been taught to look down at your shoes for so long and when they get holes in them you think, nice, even though you know this is wrong.
the world does not have a specific weight. i know you can fit my entire meaning in your mouth.
oh god do i want to make this better and beautiful but most days a fumble the pronunciation of my own name, laying on my back, wishing for a flow chart to figure out how i got to this moment.
lightbulbs flicking around.
i know they say it’s bad and it is, but it’s ok that you fill your lungs with smoke, it’ll either get better or not.
but there will be sunshine again.
and you will find me sitting on some public stone bench.
and i will give you whatever you want after i finish licking hot sauce like blood off my grubby hands--
my meaty paws.
this is nothing sexual
i want a child-like messy love
& OTHER OLD SAYINGS
i want to be the frog that doesn’t realize it’s being boiled alive
and it’s fucked up that this is the way i wish for warmth
things could have been great if i had tried a little harder
or maybe differently
and i’m so sorry
that i couldn’t keep track of what i said but i just talk so much now
spread myself across the world to try to find some meaning
i always liked the way butter melts on hot toast
i always liked the sound of your voice
right now there’s such a clean forgetting with each new moment
i’m responding to emails in my sleep and never hitting reply
and nothing ever fits exactly in my hands
always too big or too small
dribbling out like applesauce from a toddler’s mouth
my brain is the size of both my fists together
and you have bigger palms
so maybe you could hold my thoughts for a little while
and we can be quiet right next to each other
i’ll kiss your head with my thoughtless mouth
and we can work on understanding again together
because that seems like a better blanket all around
Carmen E Brady writes and draws and puts the things she makes on the internet. You can follow her on twitter @therealcbrad. She loves you very much.